3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Bring me that man meat
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
