the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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