it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
