i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I got inside last night via doggy door
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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