i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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