Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
