i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
