NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
