it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
