There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
