glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
