I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
