My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
