I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Welp...herpes.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
