Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
