I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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