I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
