I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
