Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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