she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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