at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
