The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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