I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
