Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
