I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
