I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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