"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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