I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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