So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Quick, to the slutcave!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
