My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
