this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
