Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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