Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
