dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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