"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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