I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
birth control should be required to get into college
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
