Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
