Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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