Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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