I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
