I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
