last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
