I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
farters have to be the big spoon...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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