We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
