Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
