like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
