Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
