OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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