shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
