Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
