What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
