now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
