I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
this will be a night to untag.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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