3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You're like the curious george of whores
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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