if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
