doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
