An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The struggles of a small town man whore
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
