a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
